Have you ever felt like you were “crazy” because you felt trapped in your own body? Like some tiny invaders have taken it over and forced your soul to live in a foreign body while silently torturing & killing you? All while making it seem (to most) in the outside world that you were “FINE,” all because (to them) you still “seem” fine.
If so, then please know that you are NOT alone AND you are NOT crazy. Well, at least not with regards to the tiny invaders torturing & killing your body. Dealing with any health problems SUCK, but it’s worse when it greatly affects your life AND you are left wondering “WHY” and “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?”
To say it’s a disappointment when the “Professionals” you bestow trust, faith, and hope into FAIL you because they don’t KNOW the answers would be a major understatement. It’s WORSE when they treat you like you’re crazy or a liar when THEY can’t figure out what’s wrong with you. Add that to dealing with their rotten behaviors on top of other people who treat you poorly while you’re stuck in a body that hurts and can’t function normally and it’s easy to see how stressful and depressing life can be. OH but Life isn’t done with you yet, right? Like all of THAT isn’t bad enough. No, no. LIFE keeps going with her good and bad moments. It’s like a roller-coaster ride that you would like to take a break from (at least) until you can feel somewhat better. It’s a wonder more of us aren’t crazy.
People and Life can drive most people crazy WITHOUT a life altering and debilitating illness or injury. I’ve seen it drive most animals crazy too, but that’s another story. Know that you are NOT alone. Not that this makes it “ok” or trivial for what you’re enduring, but to (at least) give you SOME peace of mind that there are others struggling with the same (or similar) thing. Which means? You’re NOT crazy AND you are NOT alone! What you’re feeling is REAL! The pains, fatigue, weakness, brain-fog, anxiety, stress, depression, frustration, mood-swings, changes in your weight, appetite, skin, vision, hearing, thinking. . . you name it. It’s ALL REAL! Just because the “Medical Professionals” you’ve seen don’t know what it is doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Many of the tests they use are either outdated or NOT supposed to be for what they are using it for. Their ignorance, arrogance, and (perhaps for some) laziness and stupidity, prevents them from learning the truth AND providing the care we need. My point is, the problem isn’t with your sanity, but with REAL nasty invaders that many people are ignorant about. Ignorance may be bliss for the ignorant, but for the rest of us they are REALLY annoying to deal with and be around.
So take some comfort and have some peace of mind that you’re NOT alone! How does this give you “some peace of mind?” Well, let me share this with you. One thing that I am learning in this life is when there are others going through the same (or very similar) things as myself, it not only gives validation to myself that “HEY! I’m NOT crazy! Maybe I’m right? Maybe there IS something physically wrong with me,” but it also provides evidence to those living outside of my body. That means it increases the chances of finding someone that will not only BELIEVE and UNDERSTAND me, but possibly HELP me.
I was ecstatic when I found my 1st Doctor who not only believed me, but actually cared (I know, shocking to have someone in the Healthcare Industry ACTUALLY CARE enough to TRY and HELP me with my Health)…
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Sigh… dang it. Sorry, I squirreled. Forgot what point I want to make….. hmmm.
I know I could just carry and figure that part out later, but… I think it’s better that I just let you know and get back on my train of thought. Why? Well, because I know that it makes me feel better to know that I am not the only one who struggles with things like squirreling and pulling a Dory (i.e. forgetting things).
This brings up a good point I should make. Please know that there will be moments when I squirrel or derail from my original train of thought. Sometimes, especially when I’m writing stuff, I will go back and try to . . . . what’s the word? hmmm. Crap. I can’t remember. Meh – let me say “FIX” what I’ve rambled on and on and on about.
Sigh. Then there will be moments when… uh… yeah. I don’t wanna. Call it lazy… call it “I don’t care” moments. I believe it’s mostly because I squirrel a LOT (or lose my train of thought a LOT) that I get annoyed, frustrated, blah blah blah… with having to CONSTANTLY go back and TRY to make some damn sense of what the hell I was trying to say. In laymen terms…My memory SUCKS. DORY has better memory than me. How sad is that?
Oy. OK.. let me attempt to get back on my tree. BRB Have to scroll back up and see where the !@#$%^ I fell off my tree in the 1st place.
(Imaginary Hold Music)
AH! Right! I was ecstatic over finding my FIRST Doctor who believed me when I said, “I don’t feel well and think there’s something wrong with me.” She was my OBGYN. Yeah… my OBGYN over my Primary Care Physicians… plural… that I’ve seen… OR the “Specialists” Oh they’re “Special” alright… Not in the way they intended… at least, not with me. Several are part of the Schmucks club.
Sorry. Yes, I have some anger issues with people who treated me poorly while failing to do their job. It’s difficult NOT to be frustrated, annoyed, or even ticked off when you’ve been struggling with health problems for years while the very Professionals that SHOULD have been helpful and supportive chose to be the opposite.
I do not like the negative things or people in this life to destroy my life. So, I try to find the humor in things. For example, the part of me that feels sad, angry, frustrated, etc. I decided to give it a name. Her name is Leila. Why Leila? Well, I got the idea of calling it Leila from a movie that one of my favorite Comedians, Robin Williams, Starred in called, “Mrs. Doubtfire.”
What a GREAT movie! Anyway – There’s a line from that movie where Robin Williams is pretending he’s someone applying for the Nanny position of his ex-wife (played by Sally Fields) and he says, “Leila! Git Back in yer cell! Don’t make me get the hose!” It’s hysterical! You have to see it. Anyway, I use that character (Leila) to represent my emotions that I don’t want to come to the surface (i.e. crying, angry, frustrated, etc.).
OK, let me get back on my tree….
Over the years, I’ve had SO many people who just refused to believe that I was truly sick and not faking it. Several falsely accused me of making it out to be more than it was or just plain crazy. Why? Well, I think it’s easier for some people to find fault and blame in others rather than accept the truth.
Anyway, The moment I decided to just embrace who I am and acknowledge that some people are just a waste of time was the moment that I gave myself relief from the unnecessary stress and other negativity they tried to bestow upon me. I gave myself freedom and peace. Now that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me or cause me problems, but it does provide SOME relief and I will happily accept relief. Life is hard enough to deal with. I’ve learned that IF and WHEN it’s possible to remove negativity then do so and find a way to bring happiness and fun into your life. Need an example? OK.
Ever have multiple things on your mind at the same time? Where it feels like you have many voices all arguing with each other? Oh come on… yes you have! I believe EVERYONE has this. Even animals. Why else would a squirrel or chipmunk race out in the middle of the street and part way across they panic and run back and forth before either FINALLY making a decision or life making one for them? Those DAMN voices. One goes “RUN FOREST RUN!” while another goes, “OMG! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP!” And another “NO RUN!” and another “TURN AROUND!”
It gets worse when you’re older AND have a chronic illness like Lyme Disease. That’s when other voices decide to join the party.
Voice 38: “Hey! Anyone seen my glasses?”
Voice 55: “I want chocolate. NOW! Eat that over there.. . . I DON’T CARE what the doctor said… EAT IT! NOW!!!”
(Pause) – Damn it. I squirreled again. (sigh)
Alrighty – before I squirrel AGAIN and create a 40 page BLOG… Let me end this with a book called “The Lyme Disease Solution” by
OH – one more thought. I’ll share more in other blogs. Please know that as I learn how to do this whole online world thingy… don’t be surprised if I update or tweak my blogs, website, videos, yadda yadda. I want to provide as much helpful information as possible. I am a perfectionist by nature AND like to share what I know… so bare with me. Hopefully, it will help you too.
OK – ONE MORE THOUGHT!
The photo above is of my horse, Diego, and I because we both have Lyme Disease. Thankfully, he’s doing WAY better than me. I believe because 1. WE caught and treated him sooner than me and 2. We got lucky.
I am so happy that I caught a disease that’s so. . . . controversial. It’s helped make life SO much easier. (Note sarcasm) OH – that brings up a good point… SARCASM is your FRIEND. Remember that when you have to deal with the morons that tell you that Chronic Lyme Disease doesn’t exist OR the other morons who tell you that there’s a CURE for it…. or vaccine…. and other things that fall under the family of Bovine Fecal Matter. How do I know they are full of this? OH gee.. because I’ve been fighting this nasty disease and it’s co-infection buddies for 20 years before finding ONE doctor to test me for it and begin treatment… AND… I am STILL fighting it… and probably will until I die.
Having typed THAT….. I am keeping my hopes and having FAITH that maybe… just maybe… there IS a cure out there. While waiting for the person or people to find it or share it I am thankful that I finally have Professionals that not only believe me, but genuinely care about me and are dedicated in doing all they can to help me.
OK – back to my other “ONE MORE THOUGHT” – Here’s an interesting article about Lyme Disease and horses. The symptoms they are describing are accurate as THAT is what we noticed and worked with helping Diego improve from. There are other parts of the article that I don’t agree with (like a vaccine that prevents getting Lyme disease)… uh… yeah.. Don’t believe that… based on what I’ve been learning and dealing with this thing. However, being the semi-open minded individual that I am… I am MORE than happy to see that I am WRONG… just need to see and believe the “facts” (if they have them) to prove it.
OK… so How about that article, Mary! OH – right. Thank you.
It’s called, “Protect Your Horse From Lyme Disease,” on Equus. Click the hyperactive link on the title of the article to go to that site and read it. IF, per chance, that link stops working… PLEASE let me know. I will share a copy of it as I have said a copy of it.
Diego & Me
Lyme Disease Warriors
2023 Gemini Oasis, Inc.